14 May Silent Retreat Part 1

Silent Retreat Part 1

Over the years, I’ve found curious ears, some who have taken away a little something from my recounting of the retreat and even some who have gone or intend to go to a silent retreat as a result of my sharing. So I’m finally writing it down here for more curious folk.

The modern world is full of noise and clutter. Climbing up the corporate ladder only to find the ladder leaning on the wrong wall. The modern mom expected to be a supermom or a goddess, revelling in the ecstasy of caring for a cute babe or delighting in the adventures of rambunctious boys when the reality is, most of the time, it’s tiring, unglamorous work. We want to be conscious and mindful and ALIVE! So it’s always a good idea to take time to be STILL and examine our day, our month or our year. A mindful parent or spouse or boss or worker is more effective and a source of joy to herself and others.

This image of Jesus greets me as it has for the past 3 years of coming into this sacred space. “Come, all you who are weary, and I will give you rest.” Only now after 3 years do I notice that Jesus moves towards us. The Lord of the Universe, moves towards me, a tiny speck in the universe.

This is what has attracted me to Ignatian Spirituality. Finding God in everything. In tiny movements. In nature. In people who spread joy. In people who do abominable things. In our everyday mundane tasks. In a satisfying meal. In our annoying neighbor. In our glorious victories and in our overwhelming problems.

Finding God in everything

Ignatian spirituality is a very practical spirituality, open to all (even to other faiths) and generous, celebrating the uniqueness of each individual (whether saint or sinner) as God himself does and calling us to meet God wherever we are. It is a vigorous and passionate one, making full use of our intellect (not believing blindly), our physical strength, the innermost honest desires of our spirits to seek the glory of God and set the world on fire!

St Ignatius started life ordinarily enough as a sinner just like the rest of us. He was a nobleman, a soldier who dreamed of glories in the battlefield and fond of women. During a battle, a cannon ball struck his leg and he was forced to recuperate for a long time. There were only two books that were available at his bedside. One is about the lives of the saints. Not having anything to do (stillness), he started to read and a whole world was opened up to him. He found consolation in the lives of the saints. Yet the adventures of youth called him still and he imagined winning battles for his ladies and found that when he imagined these things, the imagination; afterwards, left him dry and in desolation. He recognised consolation and desolation. And so he left his family’s castle with nothing but the clothes on his back which he later gave to a beggar and started his quest to find God.

The Empty Cup

In this year’s Silent Retreat, we were guided by the image of an empty cup. Imagine a full cup of coffee. So full it can no longer contain anything more, not even milk. So it is when our lives is a full cup. Our world does not usually strive for emptiness or dying. But …

The 4 days of the Silent Retreat is something I have looked forward to in the last 4 years. I was searching for God, yes, but what really drew me to the retreat was REST. Stillness. The thought of 4 days to myself, alone, ME time! And the thought of SILENCE. And yet even I was anxious at the thought of 4 days of silence and just praying. I was thinking, “What am I going to do with my time??”

Did you notice how God drew me to this retreat? It is not for Him alone that I came. It is for the physical, mental, emotional rest from caring for 2 active, mischievous boys.

I need not have worried about what to do with my time. They fed us 5 times a day with delicious, complete meals (with all the food groups) and free flowing coffee, tea and chocolate. At set times.

7 am               Breakfast

10 am             Second Breakfast (ala Hobbits)

12 noon          Lunch

4 pm               Merienda

7 pm               Dinner

Between eating unhurriedly 5x a day and napping and walks in the woods, there’s really not much time left!

Except of course to do what retreatants come for, to pray 3-4 times a day and to speak with our Spiritual Director. In addition to a daily Mass that can sometimes go on for 2 hours.

So you see, it’s also a full schedule! But this time, full of God.

A Sacred Space

First, I must show you the grounds of this sacred space. Do you feel better when you are amidst nature? It is called biophilia (the love of living things).

There’s not a lot of places in the Philippines to roam the woods. So the gift of these grounds is something I truly appreciated. Have you noticed how in our ever smaller homes, bereft of gardens, the moment our activity is done, we cannot deeply rest. We have to open the TV or the internet or do yet another chore to take away our restlessness. Sitting on a bench in these expansive grounds, I rest and not do anything and yet I am doing something. I am listening to the birds chirping, the sound the tuko made overhead. I am hearing the rustling of the trees, feeling the wind through me and around me. Seeing the sheep graze leisurely, the lambs skipping joyfully. I experience a deep rest. My senses are active and alive, and rests in the beauty and unhurried activity of God’s creations.

I saw these sheep lie down on the grass contentedly munching on grass quietly accompanying a retreatant praying on a bench.

This sacred space is also the womb and tomb of the Jesuits. Here they are formed in the novitiate for 2 years with limited communication with loved ones and the outside world. A single mobile phone is shared by all novices.

I once heard a Christian pastor declare that between a wedding and a funeral, he would rather go to a funeral because it is there when people start their reflections and it is easier for them to look for God.

In the original camera settings of this photo, the cemetery was overexposed and all I saw was light. It looked like heaven and I thought it was a fitting tribute to these selfless soldiers of Christ who gave their lives for the glory of God.

Just how selfless Jesuits can be is the life of St. Edmund Campion. He was a brilliant fellow, a dynamic young man who gave the welcoming address to Queen Elizabeth I upon her visit to Cambridge and 15 years later, would refuse “riches, honors and dignities” which the Queen enticed him with to renounce his faith and died a gruesome martyr’s death. I leave it up to you to read his sentence.

What do you Desire?

Some of the reasons people go to a silent retreat are curiosity, to seek clarity on difficult matters, to seek communion with God. A few are dragged by well meaning loved ones. But ALL people come bringing with them desires, some unarticulated but nevertheless there.

God knows us in and out, yet He still asks us “What do you want?”. We might be surprised with our answer.

Our deepest desires is the start of any Ignatian retreat. God meets us where we are, in our deepest desires.

Next post: How to Pray

Have you gone on a silent retreat or other similar retreats or tried to find quiet time in your daily activities?