04 Apr Silent Retreat Part 2: How to Pray

What is prayer? I remember as a child, I prayed by speaking to God. But prayer, we were told, is not in the speaking but in the listening!

And when we listen, we receive the Graces (gifts) for which we asked for.

I remember the very first question I posed at my first retreat and which I frankly asked my SD, “Why should I love God?”

She wouldn’t answer my question and I asked, “Well, that’s why I came here. To seek guidance. How would I know the answer if you don’t tell me?”

Instead, she directed me to Scriptures and how to pray it. One of St Ignatius’ contribution is this method of prayer: Gospel Contemplation. While reading the Scriptures, imagine that you are actually in that place and time. You can imagine you are a bystander or one of the characters. See the scene, smell, touch, taste, hear, not judging the story or the characters in it but just letting the story unfold. And just notice your feelings and interior movements as the story unfolds.

I was thinking, “Oh, I already know this story and that story. I know what the story is saying.” But still I hunkered down and did the Gospel Contemplation. And as the stories of the Scriptures unfolded, I FELT instead of THOUGHT.

As I imagined Jesus in his ministry, healing the blind man, the lame, forgiving the sinner, powerfully performing miracles, I FELT his selflessness, his fatigue in his ministry, his rich friendships, his great power, His pain and great humbling, His great love using his power not to enrich Himself in any way but to give and follow the will of His Father. And this Grace (unmerited gift) came to me: I love Jesus! If this man were alive today and I saw him perform these miracles, yes I would follow Him!

I was overjoyed after my prayer. It was as if scales had fallen off my eyes. All my life, I had relied on my intellect. But this time, I FELT and for the first time, truly understood the Scriptures. And I understood why the SD did not answer my question. She wanted me to discover MY answer, heard from God.

After feeling love for Jesus, I hungered to know more about Him and posed this question, “He is not on earth anymore. I want so much to touch Him, embrace Him, listen to Him, learn from Him. How do I hear Him speak?? ” And I was led to another Grace, “The Bible! It contains His very own words. It chronicled His activities and His thoughts.”

After 4 years of participating in the Holy Week Retreat, it is now a habit, when I need guidance on an important matter, to read what Scriptures have to say. 2 Timothy 3:16 declares, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.” Everything that we are concerned about, the Bible has something to say — whether it is about how to discipline our small children, how to deal with a difficult person, how to be effective in work, how we should spend our money, what is the purpose of our life, how to deal with suffering and sickness and betrayal, etc.  

A Practical Spirituality

Ignatian spirituality is a practical spirituality and calls for us to be “contemplatives in action”. Ignatians don’t cloister themselves inside monasteries, but after periods of intense prayer, go out into the world to move and speak for God.

It can help us with difficult issues such as depression and suicide in young children today.

I attended a play recently about a daughter calmly telling her mother she will commit suicide that very night, “night, Mother”, at the PETA Theater in Quezon City. After the play, there was a short processing time where the audience can ask mental health experts about the play. Amidst the questions, there was one mother who stood up and tearfully addressed the mental health experts about her 12 year old son. I could feel the mother’s anguish as she poured out her heart in the presence of all the audience, that she is a single parent, that her son wants to commit suicide and she couldn’t for the life of her understand how a child as young as 12 years old would want to die. The panelist of mental health experts told her she should not blame herself and to take her son to a psychiatrist or call the hotline. These are good suggestions, but I felt that the woman was not consoled by the experts’ answers. As my sister in law said, “The woman’s question was so big and gave so much of her heart but the experts’ answers did not match the magnitude of the woman’s plea for help.”

We must understand that Suicide is caused by despair, a sense of hopelessness. As the daughter in the play explained to her mother about why she was going to commit suicide, “Nakita ko ang isang lumang picture nung baby pa ako. Ibang tao siya, Hindi ako. Isang cute na batang malusog, walang muwang sa sakit.. nagpapabuhat at binubuhat naman… tumatawa sa mga kulay na kumakaway sa kanyang ulunan… Sa kanya ako nagsimula at ito na lang ang natitira…siya na hindi naging ako.. o sinikap kong maging pero hindi ko nagawa..siya na inabangan ko pero hindi dumating…at hindi na dadating.”

And God has much to say about hope.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” — Jeremiah 29:11

“Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” — Psalm 55:22

“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” — 1 Corinthians 10:13

For the mother, she can meditate on :

“Come to me, all you who are weary, and I will give you rest.”— Matthew 11:28-30

“Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.”— Proverbs 13:24

Prayer gave Jesus the strength and power for the whole day. And so it is with us. Spend 20 minutes or so contemplating the Scriptures and wait patiently for the interior movement that will occur solely as a result of God’s grace. From a feeling of fear to a feeling of rest? From a feeling of aloneness to a feeling of love? From a feeling of despair to a feeling of provision to a feeling of hope?

Spiritual Direction

Another singular experience one has at a Silent Retreat is the experience of Spiritual Direction.  I experienced the gentle presence of the director, attentively listening without judgment, caring for my higher good, neither coddling my excesses nor pushing or prodding but patiently allowing God to work in me through his/her direction which he/she has prayed for prior to the session. The Spiritual Director perceives us and prays for us. How many times in our lives do we receive this undivided, selfless attention of another person for a full hour or more whose mind and spirit is attuned to our higher self, seeking to be the bridge between us and the eternal God?

The Spiritual Director modelled for me God’s infinite patience and gentleness which I hope to be able to carry with me in my daily life as I struggle with impatience and judgment even as my intention is for the higher good. 

What is the importance of non-judgment? Jesus, when he was resurrected, was grieved and could have rebuked Peter, “You abandoned me. You said you wouldn’t leave me, but you denied me three times!” Instead, He wished to prepare Peter for the awesome challenge of leading the Church, and simply asked, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” Peter replied “ you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.” (John 21:15) And Peter as we know proved to be more faithful after that.

Direct Experience

A raw, honest, very common question on prayer is : “How do I know it is God talking to me in prayer and not only me talking to myself?” Prayer, to be real, is an active listening, a disciplined stillness, an intelligent contemplation, a working spirituality without judgement.

Footnote: 

This is an article on a Catholic retreat. But the timeless truths here can also speak to people of other faiths. All faiths after all talk about ONE human condition.